Better late than Hairy

Now, don’t get me wrong. There are, overall, good things about my hematologist. This blahg however is about her faults, which I’ve been counting. Wanna count with me?

1. She is late. I’m not talking about her personal life. I don’t know about that. I’m talking about her showing up. Her daily appointments begin at 10am, and she saunters in around 10:30am. If I have a 10am appointment, I now show up at 10: 30 on the off chance I’ll get to open the door for her so she won’t have to break her saunt. I bring a book and sit. I mean, what can I do, not go to the doctor?

2. She is not always up to date on my medical history. When she became my doctor we spent a meaningful two appointments together before she went on a two-week vacation. During this time I was hospitalized for a week. After she returned we reunited, and a few appointments later she looked up from my medical history chart and said “You didn’t tell me you had been hospitalized”. I wonder if her surgery patients opt for local anesthetic so they can say “I did tell you it was my left kidney that hurts, didn’t I?”

3. The woman talks too fast. Damn it, even Indy 500 drivers show more speed restraint. She rattles and prattles and is one of those people (and I don’t know why this is) that when you ask them to slow down they don’t know how. She just looks at me as if to say, “You are interrupting me.” As this is mostly new vocabulary for me I grasp about 80% of our conversation, which is unnerving. Sometimes when asked to explain what she said I feel like I’m doing Who’s on First:
“I don’t even know what I’m talking about!!”

4. And the Winner is!
My beloved doctor did my second biopsy. The results showed I need more treatment. My family and I spent an anxious week wondering if we should leave Argentina early and get treatment in the U.S., putting everything topsy-turvy. Yesterday she mentioned that- oops! - perhaps she did the second biopsy too early, maybe I only have residual leukemia which is slowly dying, in which case I am Leukemia free, as a later biopsy would have clearly shown. (There is BIG difference between being Leukemia free and rushing a family of 5 to another hemisphere so I can continue treatment). Too early? Does that happen a lot? Does it happen in other professions?

Mother “My child ate a Cad bury egg this morning”
Dentist “Well, we’d better pull out that molar. I’d hate to wait too long.”

Customer “But I bought these tires new last Thursday.”
Mechanic “Looks like you got here just in time”

President “I think a pre-emptive strike is called for.”
General “Sir, the ambassador only said he didn’t like the soup.”


Now, I would enjoy being leukemia free. But I’d like to hear about it like this:

We waited like we should have, and you are all clear Mr. Butler. Congratulations on being in remission!

Rather than:
Oops! Maybe you are out of the woods. Could you please leave my office, it’s not 10:·30 yet. (Of which I would pick up something about a mistake happening in the woods around 10:30…or some such 80% combination)

I might devote a blahg to my doctor’s good points. They do exist, and if I can find enough of them to fill up a post-it note I’ll go ahead with the project. I’d hate to wait too long.