phlegm

I am afraid of green phlegm.

Green phlegm ranks right before ingrown leg hairs in terms of fear. But now things are different. I stood looking at my green phlegm in the kitchen waste basket. I spit unceremoniously, then returned for a peak. Until now when I´ve noticed my phlegm I’d follow up with thoughts such as “I wonder if we have any speghetti left”, or “maybe I should call them back”, or “why am I looking at my phlegm?” But green phlegm means a virus, and that is what I don’t want.

I finished chemo and celebrated by spending a week in the hospital. Chemo, which kicks butt and takes names, quickly finds it has no names to take as it successfully kills the evil leukemic cells along with many of the fine, healthy cells who were probably thinking “What the hell did I do?” before they expired. Due to this, a neutropenic fever arises, which is compounded by the body’s bacteria. Now, the body has bacteria, germs, and all sorts of other nasty things. I don’t know what they are, but I guess that the body has more than just bacteria and germs and “all sorts of other nasty things” covers me without requiring further study. Those bacteria, germs, et. al, when the body’s defenses are low, become like the cow who looks up surprised from the field one day saying “Grass…I’ve been eating grass!”. The bacteria, seeing the healthy white cells gone, or worse, lying dead at their post with a “What the hell did I do” look on their faces, realize just how oppressed they were and begin colonizing, growing subdivisions with dirty streets, poorly designed sewage systems, and unattended parks. It is not long before the body begins to be overwhelmed by “bacto-sprawl” and shows its discomfort with a fever.

That is my story. I had growing bacteria colonies in me, ones where the trash was never picked up, where the schools never opened, where expired goods were not removed from the store shelves. I battled with them bravely from a hospital bed while I read, looked at the ceiling, and watched that early 80s group ABC reunite on VH1’s Bands Reunited (They didn’t sound bad). Now I’m home again, with family. I take a pile of antibiotics every day, a shot to bring in white cell reinforcements who will check shelves and ticket speeders, and I don’t want to go back into the hospital. Green phlegm is scary.